This past weekend, I stayed over at my aunt's house, and I got the shit bitten out of me by mosquitoes that night. They got me like 4 or 5 times on the left ankle, and even though I was deep asleep I guess I was unconsciously scratching the shit out of my left ankle mosquito bites with my right foot, because I was scratching myself so vigorously that I actually unintentionally woke myself up at 2:30am in the morning. Ridiculous.

Anyway, after getting owned by all these mosquitoes, I got to wondering - Mosquitoes suck blood from the bodies of mammals in order to nourish themselves, right? And if a human man were to get bitten on the penis by a mosquito (shaft/head/base, doesn't matter), technically speaking, he got the blood from his penile area sucked by a mosquito, right? So you could say that the mosquito "sucked the guy's cock," right? And you could also say that the mosquito gave the guy a blowjob, since "sucking cock" and "blowjob" are synonyms, right? And did you know, I looked it up on Wikipedia recently, but only female mosquitoes suck blood from animals for nourishment. The males are purely nectar feeders. *Shaking my head in disapproval*. On a less related but still very related note, the wiki article also describes mosquitoes as having "a slender body, and long legs." I personally was not so lucky this past weekend, but technically speaking, if you think about it, if you were to get bitten anywhere on the crotchal region by a mosquito, you could say with full confidence and justification that you had just gotten a blowjob from a tight-bodied, leggy chick. Not bad. This really doesn't bode too well for the female mosquitoes of the world though, flying around and indiscriminately sucking off guys and then flying off to find the next guy to suck off. What kind of lifestyle is that, anyway? I mean really, do you have no shame? And these female mosquitoes, they're sucking off guys by the dozen every day, but they're not even doing it for the sake of the man's pleasure, because the guy can't feel any pleasure while it's happening, because THE GUY IS ASLEEP WHILE IT HAPPENS. What a waste of a potentially great thing. Could you imagine humans doing this? Human women climbing in through some other animal's window in the middle of the night, let's say it's a horse stable, and giving the stallions blowjobs while they're sleeping, and then scampering off before the stallions realize what happened? If you're a female mosquito and you're going to manipulate a man's penis, then you might as well have the decency to make sure they're awake while you do it. But while they're sleeping? Not only is that bestiality, it's also an act of pure cowardice if I ever saw one. And these female mosquitoes, it seems like they just like sucking purely for the sake of sucking, not because it benefits anyone else, and not because they're expecting any kind of reciprocation from the human man. The act itself is gratifying for them, and that's all they need. Btw, there's another word for that, and it's called A SLUT. I could wax politically correct about this, but there's no really no way around it. I'd like to call them whores, but that would be giving them too much credit, because I actually have a good deal of respect for whores, but I have no respect for sluts. And while no one likes to be called a slut, and for good reason, you really can't try blame me or get mad at me for this, because as the great Dave Dameshek often says,  "I didn't do this to you, YOU did this to you."

Btw, the word "MosquiHOES" in the title of this entry was thought up by my girlfriend, so props to her.